08.14.26 WHAT DOES BECOMING A DEMENTIA CAREGIVER ACTUALLY MEAN?

Rosalyn’s note: This was written in England where they call their caregivers “carers.” I’ve taken the liberty of changing carers to caregivers throughout this article so it would be easier to follow for us American’s who call it caregiving

People say, “You became your mum’s caregiver.”

Such a small word.

caregiver.

But that one word doesn’t begin to describe what you actually become.

You become a nurse — giving medication, watching for infections, checking skin, dealing with wounds, catheters, incontinence and trying to work out whether something is wrong when they can’t tell you.

You become an advocate — speaking to doctors, hospitals, social services and anyone else who needs to listen. Fighting their corner when they can no longer fight it themselves.

You become a cleaner — washing bedding at ridiculous hours, cleaning bathrooms, floors, clothes and sometimes things you never imagined you’d ever have to clean.

You become a laundry service — washing, drying, changing and starting all over again.

You become a cook and nutritionist — coaxing them to eat, trying different foods, watching their weight, worrying about fluids and wondering whether they’ve actually eaten anything at all.

You become a detective — Why are they suddenly more confused? Is it a UTI? Are they constipated? Are they in pain? Are they frightened? Is it the medication?

You become a security guard — checking doors, listening for movement, watching for falls, wandering and anything else that might put them in danger.

You become a personal assistant — appointments, prescriptions, paperwork, phone calls, benefits, shopping and remembering everything for two people.

You become a hairdresser, dresser, washer and toileting assistant.

You become a peacekeeper when they’re angry.

A reassuring voice when they’re frightened.

A translator when other people don’t understand what they’re trying to say.

And sometimes you become an actor.

You smile when you’re exhausted.

You say, “It’s okay,” when actually you’re struggling.

You keep your voice calm when inside you want to scream.

And underneath every one of those jobs…

you’re still their daughter.

Their son.

Their husband.

Their wife.

Their partner.

Their friend.

That’s what people don’t always understand about being a dementia carer.

You’re not doing one job.

You’re doing twenty jobs, 24 hours a day — while watching someone you love gradually change in front of you.

It’s one of the reasons I wrote Help My Mum Has Dementia. I wanted to talk about what caregiving actually looks like behind closed doors — not just the word caregiver.

So let’s see how many roles we can add to this list.

What other “job” have YOU had to become since dementia entered your life? ❤️

-From the Dementia & Alzheimer’s Support Group on Facebook

Scripture offers comfort, physical strength, and peace for those
who spend their days looking after others.